Hardships

We all know what hardships are, and when we experience them it obliviously changes us. Changes us for the better, or maybe even changes us in a way that will turn our whole life around. A way we did not even think we would go down, like "that scary road". When I say "that scary road" I mean complete 180 of who you are, who you thought you are. The way you hold yourself, the way you think, and the new wants in life (career, home, adventures ect). 

I have changed so much in the past year and a half. Soon maybe I will open up to explain further to you readers on how I have changed but for now I am opening up about a season of life many my age do not have to go through..

Today in Tempe, at the Hayden Library I found a quiet spot. This spot has the most comfy chairs, very large beautiful windows looking down on all the ASU students and to the left of me there is a "Cultural Expressions of Grief and Death" Subject. Well, here it is a book finding me that is speaking LOUD to me to pick it up and read it. It knows my inner struggles.

"With The End In Mind" by Kathryn Mannix now, I have been reading for about 2 hrs and a mist of the 1st hr I learned how to renew my parking spot by my app. *pretty cool

This book has shed some light on me with watching my grandma (now not just a grandma who you speak on the phone with once a month or see every other month, this lady has raised me since I was 15) I am currently watching her in darkest times. 

My grandmother is on Hospice now, which some of you amazing clients know my heart aches about this whether I've told you what i'm going through by cracking jokes about it, or has watched me shed tears about it while blow drying your hair..... maybe even foiling.. Maybe even shooting a random Instagram DM when I haven't even spoken to you in months. Thank you for being there and answering me. 

What I am experiencing is not easy, I go through much anger, sadness, depression, tiredness, ect. Seeing someone gradually die down is not (I have no words)..

But this book has brightened me up and honestly weight has been lifted off my shoulders towards how I can look at this season of life.

She was diagnosed with Bladder cancer a year ago, I haven't been on social media as much as I used to be, haven't been active like normal, I've just been quite, getting college classes done, over booking myself at work and spending tons of time with my kid and friends. 

My wishes for those who is going through a tough times. Just know you are okay to do what ever you feel is best, to not over push yourself, and please speak to others on your thoughts to help talk it out, and get the rest your body needs. 

Take yourself out of dates, sit in a random library corner and read a book. Cry at random times for nothing and do not be embarrassed. I have cried ordering a tea, I have cried brushing my teeth. The tears come when they want to. Do not hold back.. It means you are healing in your own way.

There is not much else to this blog, I thank you all to who follow through these busts of writing. I am truly inspired by many of you who I watch on the media. Reach out to me if you need a listening ear too.